Filtering Pt. 2 – Internal Processes

Welcome back! Have you discovered filtering to ax in your own writing? I’ll bet you stopped at least once and thought, “How do I fix this? The sentence makes no sense if I remove the filter word.”

I listed some filter words in the last article, and below for quick reference, but that is a starting point so you can spot them. The frustrating thing is, just because you find a “filter word” doesn’t mean you are filtering your writing. But how do you know the difference?

  • be able to
  • can
  • consider
  • decide
  • experience
  • feel
  • hear
  • hope
  • imagine
  • know
  • look
  • note
  • notice
  • realize
  • see
  • seem
  • sound
  • think
  • touch
  • watch
  • wonder

If you need a refresher on the basics, give Filters Pt. 1 a quick read, otherwise, let’s dive into the nuances of filters!

In case you forgot, filters are:

Words and phrases that keep a reader from experiencing the story through a character’s senses and instead tells the reader what the character is experiencing.

To understand the exceptions, let’s break filters into three categories. They’re straightforward, but let’s walk through them.

Internal Filters: Activity that happens in the mental space of a character: thought, realization, consideration, decisions, wonder, etc.

External Filters: Environmental effects experienced by the point of view (POV) character: feel, hear, see, taste, smell, etc.

Action Filters: Movement, actions, and reactions that are performed by the POV character: feel (something), watch, touch, look, glance, etc.

Grouping filters like this, we can see their differences easier and we can make informed choices about when to use them. One thing to note though, filters apply to our POV character only. So if you encounter a filter word attributed to another character, you have one option:

  1. Internal filters performed by someone else and observed by the POV character means you’re head hopping. Delete it.
  2. External and action filters performed someone else can be observed by the POV character and allow for description of those actions. Leave it.

Internal Filtering

Concerning our POV character, many times we need to portray the conclusions a character reaches. But it’s difficult to know how or when to state this. So let’s look at an example:

Example 1:

Maroc opened the door, but when he realized a meeting was in progress, he scurried away.

We need to tell what he concluded, otherwise, how do we know he walked into a meeting, right? Not really. If you do it right, the reader will come to the same conclusion through your narration (show don’t tell). This one is easy to fix: show the reader the clues that helped the character reach their conclusion.

Maroc opened the door and five heads swiveled in his direction, a glowing projector screen illuminating their ghostly faces in its pallid light.

“Oops, sorry,” he mumbled, scurrying away.

Did you conclude they were in a meeting too? The edited version is powerful compared to the original, and it provides a glimpse into how Maroc perceives the meeting (ghostly faces), which is our goal—let the reader experience the story through the character.

Unknown Reasoning

But what if that character is using the narration to step through their thoughts? That might a doppelgänger hiding as a filter.

Example 2:

Maroc had always seen the grunts as mindless cannon-fodder, there to kill and die—but Keith changed all of that. That recruit led his squad to overcome challenges that even confused the tacticians, and Maroc slowly realized he needed to assess each individual.

“Seen,” and “realized” are both filter words, but what’s their purpose? Neither provides stage direction for something Maroc is doing. Because this happens in his mind, we don’t know exactly what made Maroc come to his conclusion, only vague generalizations.

You could write a whole chapter “showing” how Alistair’s actions changed Maroc’s mind, but depending on those reasons, his realization could take up its own book. Summarizing events like this, we quickly force the reader to the same conclusion. But that doesn’t give you carte blanche to filter away, we must still apply the same principals of showing the things that caused a realization. It’s just as easy to tweak the second sentence a little:

That recruit led his squad to overcome challenges that even confused the tacticians—Maybe Maroc needed to assess each individual on their own merit.

Previous Deductions & Comparisons

What about thoughts in the past, or comparing them to the POV character’s current time frame? Narrating a flashback in real time will take a pile of words, especially if we’re just concerned about the conclusions themselves. The great thing is, we’re talking about a past version of the character, so in essence, his past-self is a different character. But can we use our rules for filtering outside our POV character?

  1. Internal filters performed by someone else and observed by the POV character means you’re head hopping. Delete it.
  2. External and action filters performed someone else can be observed by the POV character and allow for description of those actions. Leave it.

Thankfully, internal filters don’t count as head hopping here because we’re in the POV character’s head, so we can leave it. let’s look at an example.

Maroc had been happy because he thought he was free, now he realized, that freedom was an illusion.

While this example contains “filter words” we’re not separating the reader from the POV. We want to show how he arrived at the conclusion, but talking about a past “thought” and a current “realization,” there’s not much we can show. In this instance, the context must provide the information we need.


The distinction is blurry. You must make judgment calls to show a character’s conclusion, or to use an internal filter and summarize the information quickly, but now you have the tools to make that call. While every filter word may not be filtering your story, they still indicate weak writing. So practice spotting the difference and removing your filters, and your narration will be strong, direct, and add details to your world and characters you never thought possible.

*Proceed with caution* Opt for showing every time if possible. Remember how Maroc saw the faces as “ghostly” in our fix to the first example? What if it had been “angry” or “joyous”? That one word can change a whole character or situation, so don’t pass opportunities to bring your story to life.

Have you run across a filter you can’t decide how to address? Let me know in the comments and we’ll tackle it together!

In the next article, we’ll discuss action filters. They will make up most of the filters you’ll encounter, so stick around for Pt. 3!

September 4, 2018

Hello and happy September! Troy here with a little update for everyone.

Dawn of Corruption continues to undergo a final edit, but in the meantime, it has made the Long List in the Watties. The Long List consists of 800 books out of 151,000 submissions and will be whittled down to a short list within the next couple weeks. For Dawn to have made the cut in a very unfinished state, makes me rather excited for future prospects.

Speaking of the future, I will be attending the San Francisco Writers Conference, February 2019! In order to get the most out of the conference, I have been preparing in every way possible—from gathering questions to ask agents, to determining ways to make an impression, and most importantly, getting Dawn to a finished point. So if you have questions you’d like me to ask or recommendations for attending conferences, I’d love to see them in the comments. If you don’t have a question but you’re still curious, I’ll be blogging as much as I can of my experiences and lessons learned, including the answers to your questions. Best way to stay informed? Sign up for the mailing list!

If you’re going to the conference, I’d love to meet you! There will be plenty of networking and sharing of ideas, so if you’ll be there, let me know in a comment or email and we’ll try to get together.

In other news, I kicked off my writer’s blog, Hall of Scribes, with an article on filters. This surprisingly unknown issue can be hard to get your mind around at first, but with a little work, your prose will engage the reader more than you thought possible.

Hope you all have a great September!

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